Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
