Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
