Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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