____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
