Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
