Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
