No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
