yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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