I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
