This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There's even glitter on my cock...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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