4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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