Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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