I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
