if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
