Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
