When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
