I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
