respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
