Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
