how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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