I want to make a zoo with you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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