If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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