He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
