if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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