do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
