nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
