You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
