Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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