Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
