i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
