I wish I could punch you in the face.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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