I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
