She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
