How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
