So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
