so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
and you fell through a lawn chair
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
