i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
