Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Your cock deserves a montage
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
