If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
