508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
