PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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