Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I love having hate sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
