I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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