I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
