How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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