Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
