I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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