you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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