Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
