Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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